TV and Reality

The idea of television entering your mind as reality is at times quite controversial. I watch these shows weekly, hoping and praying that a certain couple ends up together or a person changes his ways and becomes a gentleman - the entire time, I've come to realize, that deep down I want those things for myself. Its not about living vicariously through the show or people on it, its more of using their scenarios to realize what is and what isn't what you want in life.

Love - which is the basis of every show in some way shape or form. Everybody wants to fall in love and have that one person for the rest of their life. It's a subject that can attract every human being young and old. We see it daily; the couples on the street corner - bickering of their miserable days, comparing heart wrenching tales of the corporate world - always believing their story was worse. You see the love-ill newlyweds without a care in the world, in each others arms with no regard to tomorrow's agenda. How is it that they can put all of their feelings to the world aside and walk with a complete and honest smile every day? Some say it's easy. I happen to disagree. I'm sure its the grudges I claim I let go of - we all have them somewhere, some are just a lot closer to the surface than we realize. Love is hard. It's heart-breaking, it's life changing and it is the biggest lesson I've ever learned. It seems to simple - yet we make it a fascet in our lives. Magazines about celebrity love interests, scandals of the unfaithful, and the joys of a family - Love is always around us.

I wake up each day and roll over to superman - the stuffed version of course. I reminesce my childhood and the days when my prince charming would come whisk me away to neverland. I roll over hoping he's there. I wish for just one second that everything was the way it should be. I wish that I could have gotten past those insecurities and let him be that man. I hope for his touch each morning, telling me I'm beautiful when I know how terrible I look - it was deeper beauty. It was the beauty that he saw inside of me that I didn't accept. It's what kept me holding on for as long as I did. It was his ability to make me smile when I didn't think it was at all possible. It was the little things he said and did that made me feel safe - a feeling that I have never felt previously. In his arms - I was invincible. The main point here is the word Was. It is past tense - as in not here now. It's not that I let it slip away - it's that I pushed it away. I held onto my pride, my glory and my heart (which I learned in the end was the biggest mistake). I pushed him and everyone else away because that was easy. Protecting myself was the only way I knew how to get by. You can't live your life hiding behind the things that frighten or scare you. You have to take the things you are most terrified of and confront them. Face your demons or you will lose someone that meant the world to you at one time or another.

I've never been one for taking advice - I don't even listen to my own. I believe in everything I say, but it's a lot easier to forget it happened than worry about preventing it in the future. The only downfall is realizing that you continue to live those patterns of habit and surround yourself around people that make life easier on you. God never promised it would be easy - but He did promise it would be worth it, and it is.

"...to those lost souls who have forgotten to believe in the immensity of love."