Dad

Dancing around the living room to Nat King Cole. Jitterbugging around you, being the center of your world. Watching you cook and learning the best ways to prepare things. Laughing at the stupidity of the world. Crying at the hallmark commercials that tore at both our hearts. The random pick-up vacations that were filled of memories. The cars, the teaching of cars in every aspect... The good memories that I will never forget.....
You were supposed to be my Knight-in-shining-Armour. You were supposed to protect me from the evils of the world and teach me how to be the best person I could. I put you on a pedestal so high that none could ever come close to you. The guys I dated had huge shoes to fill. They never compared to the person that I thought you were. You took care of us when we needed it. You taught us to never be a quitter - no matter how hard it might have been. You taught me to speak my mind regardless of the situation because hiding my feelings would only lead to let down. You taught me to walk with my head held high - for no one could say anything or do anything to bring me down. On the contrary, you taught me to hide my feelings and confusion from the world. You helped build the wall around my heart and my head that keeps anyone and everyone away from seeing the real me. Its a 'hardass' shell that I can form. Sometimes I wish that it never existed. That I could be naive and believe everything that everyone's ever told me - unfortunately that is so far from the truth. You were supposed to be my rock. You were supposed to make sure that the world was ready for me, and vice versa. You were supposed to open my eyes to reality and the good the world can bring. You were supposed to be perfect.

..... You were a lie. Everything you said, everything you did was the farthest thing from the truth. I don't know how you can wake up every morning and be ok with your life. I don't see how you can live your life... and smile. You lost the two most important people in your life - because you shut us out. You pretended to be this perfect image of a father - yet you chose to kick us out of your life in the end. Your mistakes and misconceptions of life have been thrown in our laps. We have had to deal with the hell you have made for our lives for so many years now.

It's days like today that I want you to be that person. I want you to be the PERFECT dad that I dreamed of. The dad that I thought you were once upon a time.

You let me down. You lost all of my respect - and you will never have the chance to earn it back.

You will not walk me down the aisle at my wedding; I can't wait for the day that I throw your last name away for never to be called by it again.

You will never see your grandkids - they will not know you exist.

Some people are not given the option of being taken away from their children. God takes them away without a reason as to why.

You were given the chance to spend a life time with your children - and you chose to walk out entirely, leaving us to fend for ourselves.

You left me with a broken heart and a missing piece. A void that will never be filled for as long as I live.

I can forgive you and I have. An apology is not neccessary or warranted in this case. I will never forget the things you said and did that has made life the way it is.

You're missing out on the best years of my life - and I feel sorry for you.

You ruined the only things that meant something to you... and you will never get that back.




I loved you more than any person could love another

and you let me down.

You broke me; my heart.


How does it feel??